Marriage QuotesRating Mail
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. - H. L. Mencken
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A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. - H. L. Mencken
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For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. - H. L. Mencken
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? - H. L. Mencken
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Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. Mencken
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No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. - H. L. Mencken
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No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not. - H. L. Mencken
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Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. - H. L. Mencken
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The only really happy folk are married women and single men. - H. L. Mencken
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Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. - H. L. Mencken
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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland
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A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting. - Helen Rowland
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After a few years of marriage a man can look right at a woman without seeing her and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. - Helen Rowland
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After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her. - Helen Rowland
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Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
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France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are "made in America." - Helen Rowland
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It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. - Helen Rowland
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Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest. - Helen Rowland
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Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it. - Helen Rowland
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Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty. - Helen Rowland
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Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course. - Helen Rowland
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Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man. - Helen Rowland
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The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head. - Helen Rowland
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Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her. - Helen Rowland
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When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. - Helen Rowland
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When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. - Helen Rowland
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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. - Henny Youngman
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
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She has a wash and wear bridal gown. - Henny Youngman
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She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. - Henny Youngman
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henny Youngman
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
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May we so love as never to have occasion to repent of our love! - Henry David Thoreau
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There is more of good nature than of good sense at the bottom of most marriages. - Henry David Thoreau
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I just get things done instead of talking about getting them done. I don't go out and party. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs and I'm not married, that leaves a lot of time for my work. - Henry Rollins
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I'm 36 and if I met a woman of my own age and married her, I'd also be marrying her former life, her past. It might be OK for some people - I don't want to judge it or anything - but it's not for me. It would destroy my creativity. - Henry Rollins
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The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it - and sometimes three. - Heraclitus
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We were married for almost 45 years. We fought all the time, it wasn't a great love or anything, it wasn't a great, all-consuming passion. She was just there. A lot of people were startled because we didn't seem devoted but we were. - Hugh Leonard
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Never again! I can see no reason for marriage - ever at all. I've had it. Three times is enough. - Ingrid Bergman
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Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. - Isadora Duncan
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There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other. - J. K. Rowling
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My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. - Jack Benny
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I never had a policy about marriage. I got married very young in life and I always think in all relationships, I've always thought that it's counterproductive to have a theory on that. - Jack Nicholson
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Even though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death. - Jackie Kennedy
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
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A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. - James H. Boren
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