Funny QuotesRating Mail
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. - David Ogilvy
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There's nothing funnier than the human animal. - Walt Disney
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I'm not funny. What I am is brave. - Lucille Ball
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And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it. - Al Franken
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. - Bill Hicks
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I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. - Mitch Hedberg
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. - Woody Allen
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My life is my argument. - Albert Schweitzer
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I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell? - Andy Warhol
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I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet. - Angelina Jolie
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I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. - Audrey Hepburn
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A place for everything, everything in its place. - Benjamin Franklin
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She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth. - Benjamin Franklin
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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. - Bill Cosby
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Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting. - Bill Gates
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining. - Bill Hicks
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You have to be someone. - Bob Marley
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They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? - Casey Stengel
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But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know. - Charlie Sheen
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I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill. - Charlie Sheen
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It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. - Chuck Palahniuk
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You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. - Donald Trump
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From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. - Dr. Seuss
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If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered. - Edgar Allan Poe
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What one has to do usually can be done. - Eleanor Roosevelt
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Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door. - Emily Dickinson
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A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book. - Ernest Hemingway
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. - Frank Carson
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So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'. - Frank Carson
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor
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The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor
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Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw
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Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. - George Orwell
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I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go. - Gertrude Stein
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I like a view but I like to sit with my back turned to it. - Gertrude Stein
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It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger. - Gertrude Stein
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It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son. - Gertrude Stein
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It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified. - Gilbert K. Chesterton
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A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx
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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' - Isaac Asimov
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I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny. - Jim Carrey
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It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life. - Jimi Hendrix
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Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows. - Jimi Hendrix
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If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. - Larry David
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It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. - Mae West
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Advice in old age is foolish. for what can be more absurd than to increase our provisions for the road the nearer we approach to our journeys end. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
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It's a funny old world. - Margaret Thatcher
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If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain
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I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation. - Megan Fox
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