Satirist QuotesRating Mail
I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand. - Benjamin Franklin
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A small leak can sink a great ship. - Benjamin Franklin
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If you would be loved, love, and be loveable. - Benjamin Franklin
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Well done is better than well said. - Benjamin Franklin
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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce
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Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. - H. L. Mencken
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Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. - H. L. Mencken
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. - Ambrose Bierce
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We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately. - Benjamin Franklin
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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient. - Ambrose Bierce
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How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them. - Benjamin Franklin
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A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave. - Benjamin Franklin
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A penny saved is a penny earned. - Benjamin Franklin
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Each year one vicious habit discarded, in time might make the worst of us good. - Benjamin Franklin
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Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. - Benjamin Franklin
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Hunger is the best pickle. - Benjamin Franklin
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Leisure is the time for doing something useful. This leisure the diligent person will obtain the lazy one never. - Benjamin Franklin
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Savages we call them because their manners differ from ours. - Benjamin Franklin
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The eye of the master will do more work than both his hands. - Benjamin Franklin
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Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. - Benjamin Franklin
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. - Bill Hicks
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Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. - Al Capp
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Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced. - Ambrose Bierce
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. - Ambrose Bierce
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A man is known by the company he organizes. - Ambrose Bierce
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it. - Ambrose Bierce
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A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. - Ambrose Bierce
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Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. - Ambrose Bierce
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Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. - Ambrose Bierce
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Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends. - Ambrose Bierce
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. - Ambrose Bierce
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. - Ambrose Bierce
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Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. - Ambrose Bierce
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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. - Ambrose Bierce
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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. - Ambrose Bierce
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Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state. - Ambrose Bierce
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. - Ambrose Bierce
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Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. - Ambrose Bierce
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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. - Ambrose Bierce
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. - Ambrose Bierce
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Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. - Ambrose Bierce
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. - Ambrose Bierce
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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce
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Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge. - Ambrose Bierce
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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. - Ambrose Bierce
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Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. - Ambrose Bierce
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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. - Ambrose Bierce
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Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. - Ambrose Bierce
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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. - Ambrose Bierce
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